In the Eyes of an Ant
In the Eyes of an Ant
They say your high school years are the best years of your life. I don’t know who “they” are, but I hope they’re wrong. I’m sixteen, a junior in high school. I have a great family, the perfect boyfriend, and friends I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have everything I need for the ideal life, but something’s missing. If you asked, I could never tell you what that something is. I have no idea, but it’s constantly on my mind. On days like today, my dock is the perfect place. It is a great place to wonder, to realize, to observe. I make my way out into the sunshine and sit with my legs dangling off the edge; my toes are barely submerged in the water. The sun blinds me and as I direct my eyes away from the radiance, something catches my attention. A small ant heads my way, determined and steadfast. Normally, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but something about this small creature amazes me. Atop his back lies a crumb. To humans, a crumb is a miniscule detail we brush off of our skirts and pants as a nuisance, but to this ant it may be his single chance for survival. Obviously proud of his find, this ant trudges on. Where is he headed? Does he have a family to feed or will this be his every meal for the next month? He seems not to notice me or if he does not to care. It amazes me how determined he is and how diligently he carries out his plan. I stare in admiration as the ant seems to completely change his mind about his route. He stops in mid journey and changes direction, moving quickly in the direction in which he came. What is going on now? Is he lost? Maybe he’s running from something. Maybe it took him this long to realize I was sitting in his path. Lost in thought, I didn’t realize he had, once again, changed direction and was heading my way once more. The ant, moving faster and stronger than before, doesn’t falter when I adjust my position on the dock, or even when I lay down to get a better look at him. Nothing seems to faze him, yet he seems just as confused as I am. He has everything he needs to proceed successfully, but which direction is the right one for him? What is this ant doing on a dock anyway? The only place he’s going to end up anytime soon is in the water and I’m pretty sure ants can’t swim. If he’s headed for land, he’s got a far walk. Something tells me there’s no stopping him, whether he knows if he’s going in the right direction or not, he’s determined and prepared for victory. I decide to let him go and continue his journey without my criticism. Who am I to judge his actions and to laugh at his indecisiveness? I return to my initial position on the edge of the dock and silently apologize to the now disappearing ant. He was just attempting to live his life one moment at a time, and I watched him like some circus freak. No matter what the situation, nobody deserves that. He may have known exactly what he was doing, but if not, what’s so wrong with that? Life isn’t predictable, but everyone and everything just has to roll with the punches. The ant was brave and seemingly invincible as ironic as that may be. The sun begins to lower in the sky and I gather up my thoughts to head in for the night. The sound of the river echoes in my ears. The walk back to the house is barely more than 100 yards, but it seems like a lifetime. I catch myself staring at the ground, subconsciously looking for the ant. My heart aches as I fail to see his small body moving towards the grass. Maybe ants can swim? My heart aches as I silently hope he is alive somewhere out there. It is as though he has become a part of me, a close friend of mine. I make my way into the house and the rest of the night proceeds like every other night. The same conversations, the same life, but something’s missing. If you asked, I could never tell you what that something is. I have no idea, but it’s constantly on my mind.
