If Women Are Always in The Bathroom, Where Are The Men?

Manicures, facials, and a lot of time spent in the bathroom—these are all activities associated with the female gender-or at least they used to be. As the acceptance of metro-sexuality increases, so does the amount of time men spend in the bathroom. According to the Independent News & Media Plc, men spend an average of 3.1 hours per week in the bathroom compared to women, who average only 2.5 hours a week. That sounds like more than a shower and a shave to me. The “women spend more time in the bathroom” stereotype is disproved by many men daily, and according to a survey done among 500 adults by the male grooming brand Bulldog, the time men spend in the bathroom has increased by 30% in the last 5 years. Apparently the “manly men” look is not what these guys are going for anymore. From excessive bathroom visits to beauty treatments, the male race is spending more time in the bathroom they would ever admit to.

As men mature, they not only enjoy spending more time with women, but apparently with themselves. Between showering and whatever else men do “in there,” ultimately they end up spending 30% more time in the bathroom than women according to recent research. Who would have thought? While it takes me ten minutes to shower (where I shampoo and condition my hair in addition to washing my body AND shaving) and twenty minutes to do everything else in the morning, a male companion of mine spends 30 minutes alone showering. He says that by not “enjoying the experience” we are “wasting our time even getting in the shower.” Apparently, I’m missing something. 

The denial by men that their time spent in the bathroom exceeds that of women is ridiculously frustrating. They’re constantly complaining about women “hogging” the bathroom when really, they are spending more time fogging up the mirrors. I decided to prove these males wrong and test this theory myself. I used a brother and sister combination to prove that men spend more time in the bathroom. The two recorded the amount of time each sibling spent in the bathroom in a 24-hour period. From showering to teeth brushing and other grooming, at the end of the day, the brother wracked up the minutes in the bathroom. In one day he spent an hour, total, showering and thirty minutes in the bathroom for “other duties.” This is not shocking when compared to his sister who spent 24 minutes showering total and only 15 additional minutes in the bathroom. This is only one instance in which men spend more time “primping.” According to two other males I interviewed, the bathroom is where they get most of their thinking done, which explains the excessive visits.

Many men may be fooled by the lines of women we often see waiting for the restroom at restaurants, concerts, and other public places. I can understand the misunderstanding. If there are no lines for the men’s bathroom, how do they spend more time in there? Well here’s your problem–they’ve got you fooled. A poll taken by lastminutes.com concluded that men spend an amazing three years of their entire lives sitting on the throne, while women only sit for six months. Obviously, the lines aren’t an indication of how much time the toilet is used by each gender. The confusion is not totally unprovoked, but it is completely unsupported.

Women may be more concerned with their appearance, but apparently men spend more time tampering with theirs. There seems to be no explanation for why males are becoming more prone to spending an immense amount of time in the bathroom, but it is undeniable. Men spend more time in the bathroom than women do- just look at the facts. Sorry guys, you’ve been Mythbusted. 

 Flowing with Stability

There’s more to everything than meets the eye. In A Farewell to Arms there are many symbols used to convey certain ideas, but one in particular stands out the most. The constant mention of the river throughout the novel demonstrates an important symbol of an inner need for something constant through times of war, as well as times of peace. From the beginning to the end of the novel, Hemmingway depicts many concepts through mention of the river. By identifying that the river is a symbol for something deeper, Hemmingway leads the reader to interpret and understand the meaning of this landmark. The first indication that the river is important in A Farewell to Arms, is the fact that it is mentioned in the first line and following lines of the novel. As a description of the setting Hemmingway writes: “In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river…In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders…” (3). Even though this is a simple use of detail, it is a clear signal that the river is going to be an important part of the setting as well as the plot. It is also mentioned numerous times on page four to depict the story line. Frederick Henry talks about his navigation saying, “…and we crossed the river in August and lived in a house in Gorizia…The river ran behind us…” (4). Frederick also uses the river to escape obstacles. For example, when he is trying to escape the German officers he dives into the river for protection. He describes his escape by saying, “I ducked down, pushed between two men, and ran for the river, my head down. I tripped at the edge and went in with a splash… (225). Without this escape route, this could have been the end of Frederick’s journey, but as usual, the river is present with constant support. In the first “book”, the river is mentioned various times including in regards to setting as well as being referred to as an obstacle to surmount and other references. Regardless of the context, the river is recognized early on in the story as an important aspect of the plot and an efficacious way to enhance the complexity of the story.          As the novel progresses, the importance of the river as a symbol begins to be more and more understood. Through setting and imagery, Hemmingway continues to portray the significance of the river in relation to the plot of A Farewell to Arms. For example, to describe his journey back to Catherine, he links his explanations of his surroundings and his path to the river. The fact that the river is so influential and gathers so much attention gives evidence that it is more than just a simple landmark. In Frederick’s account of his trek, he states, ‘The river was low and there were stretches of sand and pebbles with a narrow channel of water…I saw arched stone bridges over the river where the tracks turned off from the road…”(44-45).  The constant mention of the river in these types of situations acts as the breaking point for the realization of the river as a symbol. Not only is the river used to describe setting, but it helps the reader understand and visualize what is going on in the plot. The river is a constant object that is always relied on to be there; therefore it is something that the reader can connect with.  Moving away from the river in relation to the setting, it is also seen as an obstacle to get across, always there and never changing. Even though it is seen as a comfort of stability, in relation to the war and enemies, it is a fear in the back of every character’s mind. Rinaldi demonstrates this by asking Frederick, “Did they cross the river all right?”(63). He seems to be unconcerned by the casualties due to fighting or the conditions of the front, he wonders about their journey across the river, demonstrating the magnitude of it as a symbol. It is apparent that the war is being fought on either side of the river; therefore demonstrating an obvious importance of it as a symbol. The appearance of the river is inevitable in almost every “book” of the novel. The river is recognized as an important symbol almost immediately, the interpretation of what it is symbolizing progresses alongside the plot. As A Farewell to Arms spirals to an end, all of the characteristics of the river as a symbol begin to piece together to complete the big picture.  Various aspects of the river combine to create an overall meaning of it as a symbol. By being unchanging and always present, the river acts as a symbol for stability by pointing out the changes surrounding it.. In times of war, everything is always changing. People change, places change, even countries change, but in A Farewell to Arms the only thing that doesn’t change is the river. By staying constant and always being referenced to with description, the river points out the even changing of everything affected by the war. In order to obtain a positive goal, the war makes many negative changes, which are exemplified by the presence of the river. Through its many appearances in different parts of the novel, the river demonstrates its significance through imagery, setting, plot, and even plays a role in one of the many conflicts. In the end, the river plays its role by pointing out the changes of war through contrasting it with its own characteristics. It would be difficult for one to deny the fact that the river is an ever-present symbol in A Farewell to Arms.  The first sign that the river is important is that it is mentioned in the first line and continuously throughout the first chapters of the novel. As the story progresses, the intricacy of the symbol heightens and leads to greater understanding of the novel. By staying constant, the river demonstrates the effects of war on the people and places of the times. If simply overlooked, the river would not seem like an important symbol, but beneath the surface, the river places an important role in plot interpretation and setting development. The river is full of mysteries. 

 AFTER

Flowing with Stability

Fish are not the only things seen in the river in A Farewell to Arms. Amidst the various symbols used in the novel, the river stands out as the most influential. The constant mention of the river demonstrates a symbol of an inner need for a source of stability in war times and peace times. From the beginning to the end of the novel, Hemmingway depicts many concepts through mention of the river. By demonstrating that the river is a symbol for something deeper, Hemingway leads the reader to interpret and understand the meaning of this landmark.              By introducing it early on in the novel, Hemingway recognizes the importance of the river as a symbol. As early as the first line of the novel, Hemingway uses the river in a description of the setting writing : “In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village hat looked across the river…In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders.”(3). Even though this is a simple use of detail, it is a clear signal that the river is going to be an important part of the setting as well as the plot. It is also mentioned numerous times near the beginning of the novel to depict certain aspects of the story. In the first book, the river is mentioned various times in regards to setting and plot through the use of detail. Regardless of the context, the river is recognized early on in the story as an important aspect of the plot and an efficacious way to enhance the complexity of the story.             As the novel progresses, the importance of the river begins to become more greatly understood. Through setting and imagery, Hemingway continues to portray the significance of the river in relation to the plot of A Farewell to Arms. For example, to describe his journey back to Catherine, Frederick Henry links his explanations of his surroundings and his path to the river. The fact that the river is so influential and gathers so much attention gives evidence that it is more than just a simple landmark. In Frederick’s account of his trek, he states, “The river was low and there were stretches of sand and pebbles with a narrow channel of water…I saw arched stone bridges of the river where the tracks turned off from the road…”(44-45). Frederick also uses the river to escape obstacles. For example, when he is trying to escape the German officers, he dives into the river for protection. He describes his escape by saying, “I ducked down, pushed between two men, and ran for the river, my head down. I tripped at the edge and went in with a splash…”(225). Without this escape route, this could have been the end of Frederick’s journey, but as usual, the river is present with constant support. The constant mention of the river acts as the breaking point for the realization of the river as a symbol.Not only is the river used to describe setting, but it also helps the reader understand and visualize what is going on in the plot. The river is a constant object that is always relied on to be there; therefore, it is something that the reader can connect with in their minds. Even though it is seen as a comfort of stability, in relation to the war and enemies, it is also a fear in the back of every character’s mind. On either side of the river is where the war is taking place, where the fighting occurs. It is the only unchanging object during wartime, but it has negative connotations attached to it. Rinaldi demonstrates this by asking Frederick, “Did they cross the river all right?”(63). He seems to be unconcerned by the casualties due to fighting or the conditions on the front. Rinaldi only wonders about their journey across the river, demonstrating the magnitude of it as a symbol. The fact that the war is being fought on either side of the river demonstrates the obvious importance of it as a symbol. The appearance of the river is inevitable in almost every book of the novel. The river is recognized as an important symbol almost immediately while the interpretation of what it is symbolizing progresses alongside the plot.As A Farewell to Arms come to an end, all of the characteristics of the river as a symbol piece together to complete the big picture. Various aspects of the river combine to create an overall meaning of it as a symbol. By being unchanging and always present, the river acts as a symbol for stability by pointing out the changes surrounding it. In times of war, everything is always changing, but in A Farewell to Arms the only thing that doesn’t change is the river. It is always being referenced to with description, pointing out the ever-changing theme of everything being affected by the war. In order to obtain appositive goal, the war makes negative changes, which are exemplified by the presence of the river. It appears in many different parts of the novel, demonstrating imagery, setting, plot and even plays a roll in one of the many conflicts. In the end, the river demonstrates its significance by pointing out the changes of the war through contrasting it with its own characteristics.It would be difficult for one to deny the fact that the river is an ever-present symbol in A Farewell to Arms. The first sign that the river is important is that it is mentioned in the first line and continuously as the story progresses. The more the story develops, the greater the intricacy of the symbol becomes and leads to greater understanding of the novel. By staying constant, the river demonstrates the effects of ht war on the people and places of the time. If simply overlooked, the river would not seem like an important symbol, but beneath the surface, the river places an important role in plot interpretation and setting development. The river is full of mysteries.

High school is a world of its own, but the plot of The Crucible is shockingly similar to one thing that can always be found in a high school hallway… a rumor. As every high school student knows, it’s almost impossible to walk down the hallway without hearing who’s dating whom and who got caught where. As we have experienced, these rumors are often distorted and become exaggerated to the point that the original truth is completely lost. This is exactly what occurred when the town of Salem was buzzing with news of witchcraft. In high school when rumors begin to spread, the majority has the upper hand and mass hysteria is many times an effect of the rumors told. In The Crucible, the majority of the town believed the massive lie, therefore causing a widespread feeling of hysteria around the town. Although on the surface you would think that simple high school activity and The Crucible would be completely opposite, but the similarities make a huge difference.   The world is a fast paced place, and along with everything else, news travels fast. In high school, rumors spread like wild fire just as they did in The Crucible. When it was reported that Reverend Parris’s daughter and the Putnam girl had fallen sick with a strange illness, people began bustling with talk. Upon entering Revered Parris’s home, Mrs. Pugnam glanced at Betty and asked “How high did she fly, how high?”(11). The rumor that Betty had the ability to fly and had been seen doing so was a false rumor that would soon be believed by many of the townspeople. High school rumors are many times started and believed by people looking for an explanation for something, in Salem witchcraft was this explanation. Once there was a seemingly valid way to describe the madness occurring in this town, nobody wasted time in letting everybody else know about it. The fact that the people of Salem were shocked by this news only caused them to spread it at a more ferocious rate.  As time went on and people were afflicted, accused, and hung for being associated with such an act, the news spread faster and more people became interested in the appalling activity going on in their town.   Like many of the rumors that originate in the hallway, bathroom, or at the lunch table, these allegations of witchcraft in Salem were false. Accusing people of working for the devil was just the girls of Salem’s way of deflecting the attention of their dancing in the woods to something more appalling. Once the girls twisted their alibi into a universal idea, they had the whole town suckered into believing them. Just like in high school, this false rumor became the basis of the town peoples’ lives. Standing up for your beliefs is one thing, but saying something isn’t true when everyone else believes it gives you no chance at all. For example, when Proctor and Mary Warren tried to tell the court that the girls’ were making up their accounts of witchcraft, the court reacted in the way any member of a student body would: they sided with the majority.  Proctor announces to the court that “she never saw no spirits” (40) and Parris objects saying, “They’ve come to overthrow the court, sir!”(41).The girls who accused many of the townspeople of being associated with witchcraft were just trying to cover up the truth. Just in the sense that false rumors complicate the lives of the average teenager, the assumption that witchcraft was present in Salem ruined and even ended many of the people’s lives who resided in the small town.   The actions of a large group can many times influence the way an individual acts in a situation. Take football games, pep rallies, or the belief that there are people in your town working for the devil. If the whole has a certain attitude, an individual can be easily influenced by their actions and act in the same way. This was the case exactly in The Crucible. The trial held a widespread feeling of hysteria and panic among the accusers, accused, and witnesses. When Mary Warren goes to the court to announce that her actions were fake and influenced by her surroundings, Hathorne tries to gain understanding by saying, “And yet, when people accused of witchery confronted you in court, you would faint, saying their spirits came out of their bodies and chocked you-“(47). The response given by Mary Warren is demonstrative of the feelings of many of the girls testifying in the courthouse… “That were pretense, sir”(47). This was not because they were all feeling this way on their own, but simply because of the domino effect. If one person in the cafeteria screams that a mouse ran across their feet, the rest of the student body is then going to be reluctant to enter the cafeteria. In Salem, when one girl accused somebody of working for the devil, everybody else freaked out and every odd incident was thought to be caused by the devil. Mass hysteria was spread among the people of Salem, causing them to accuse, follow, and believe the rumors that were developing.   High school is full of true, false, and distorted rumors, but when this “harmless” gossip turns into a widespread belief of an ungodly act, the act is nothing close to being harmless. The basis of the plot of The Crucible was a false rumor spread by everyone willing to listen, but how different is that from life in high school? Even though The Crucible was set in 1692, compare it to a day in the life of a high school teenager and the similarities become undeniable.

Love, my foolish friend.

The tricks you play on me are tiring,

when will they end?

Your aura is welcoming and sweet.

You’re so very mischievous

I never know where we may meet.

Your grasp on my heart is strong.

I’m in the palm of your hand.

And something in your eyes drags me along.

I’m captured by your way.

Sometimes I want to quit

But you always make me play.

 I feel as though I am constantly watching the world fly by. Thinking, wishing, waiting. It seems like I am a novice at living, scrutinizing the way the wind blows, imbibing the way the earth breathes. I’m so focused on the big picture that I am too caught up to let go and live in the moment. I feel like my moment will come, wishing it will come soon. Thinking, wishing, waiting. Everyone says “why think? why wish? why wait? just do.” It’s not that easy for me. I’m constantly worrying about what will happen, about my future. Thinking, wishing, waiting. I smile, laugh, and live, but let go? Oh no! That is one thing I apparently cannot do.

They say your high school years are the best years of your life. I don’t know who “they” are, but I hope they’re wrong.  I’m sixteen, a junior in high school. I have a great family, the perfect boyfriend, and friends I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have everything I need for the ideal life, but something’s missing. If you asked, I could never tell you what that something is. I have no idea, but it’s constantly on my mind.  On days like today, my dock is the perfect place. It is a great place to wonder, to realize, to observe. I make my way out into the sunshine and sit with my legs dangling off the edge; my toes are barely submerged in the water. The sun blinds me and as I direct my eyes away from the radiance, something catches my attention.  A small ant heads my way, determined and steadfast.  Normally, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but something about this small creature amazes me. Atop his back lies a crumb. To humans, a crumb is a miniscule detail we brush off of our skirts and pants as a nuisance, but to this ant it may be his single chance for survival. Obviously proud of his find, this ant trudges on. Where is he headed? Does he have a family to feed or will this be his every meal for the next month? He seems not to notice me or if he does not to care. It amazes me how determined he is and how diligently he carries out his plan.           I stare in admiration as the ant seems to completely change his mind about his route. He stops in mid journey and changes direction, moving quickly in the direction in which he came. What is going on now? Is he lost? Maybe he’s running from something. Maybe it took him this long to realize I was sitting in his path. Lost in thought, I didn’t realize he had, once again, changed direction and was heading my way once more. The ant, moving faster and stronger than before, doesn’t falter when I adjust my position on the dock, or even when I lay down to get a better look at him. Nothing seems to faze him, yet he seems just as confused as I am.  He has everything he needs to proceed successfully, but which direction is the right one for him?              What is this ant doing on a dock anyway? The only place he’s going to end up anytime soon is in the water and I’m pretty sure ants can’t swim. If he’s headed for land, he’s got a far walk. Something tells me there’s no stopping him, whether he knows if he’s going in the right direction or not, he’s determined and prepared for victory. I decide to let him go and continue his journey without my criticism. Who am I to judge his actions and to laugh at his indecisiveness? I return to my initial position on the edge of the dock and silently apologize to the now disappearing ant. He was just attempting to live his life one moment at a time, and I watched him like some circus freak. No matter what the situation, nobody deserves that. He may have known exactly what he was doing, but if not, what’s so wrong with that? Life isn’t predictable, but everyone and everything just has to roll with the punches. The ant was brave and seemingly invincible as ironic as that may be.              The sun begins to lower in the sky and I gather up my thoughts to head in for the night. The sound of the river echoes in my ears. The walk back to the house is barely more than 100 yards, but it seems like a lifetime. I catch myself staring at the ground, subconsciously looking for the ant. My heart aches as I fail to see his small body moving towards the grass. Maybe ants can swim? My heart aches as I silently hope he is alive somewhere out there. It is as though he has become a part of me, a close friend of mine. I make my way into the house and the rest of the night proceeds like every other night. The same conversations, the same life, but something’s missing. If you asked, I could never tell you what that something is. I have no idea, but it’s constantly on my mind.

Fifty percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages are terminated with divorce. Take note however, that none of these statistics document the percentage of broken marriages involving children. Deciding custody is possibly the most difficult part of the divorce process. The two most commonly known forms of custody are joint and sole custody. What people don’t know is that joint custody and sole custody are both extensions of either legal or physical custody. Legal and physical (joint or sole) custody both have one thing in common: their focal point is the best interest of the child. All decisions for each branch are made based on what the parents and the courts agree to be the most beneficial situation for the child or children. The court has the final and most influential say in the custody decisions, regardless of the type that is being granted. There are many controversial issues concerning the decision making of the court on behalf of the child, but much research is done before making these decisions. Despite the opinion of many children, the courts do base their conclusions on what they believe is best for the children. Coming from a “broken home”, I am a strong believer in this. Visitation is always incorporated in any custody decision made by the courts, so parental involvement is never excluded. The different branches of custody include various conditions reflecting the opinions of both the court and both parents.

Sole custody, legal or physical, is when one parent is the custodial parent, and the other non-custodial parent is granted visitation rights. When sole legal custody is granted, one parent has the right and obligation to make decisions about a child’s upbringing. Although the conditions of sole legal custody vary in each state, universally the parent is given the right to make long term choices for their child regarding issues such as schooling, religion, and medical care. Most states are moving away from granting sole legal custody because it eliminates much involvement in the child’s life by both parents, which is deemed unhealthy for the developing child. To gain sole legal custody, the parent seeking the decision is required to prove to a family court that joint custody is not in the best interest of their child. If a parent is granted sole legal custody of a child, visitation is negotiated among the parents and the court. Sole custody is more common in physical custody scenarios. Physical custody is when a parent has the right to have the child live with him or her. Sole physical custody is granted to one parent with visitation rights given to the other. Generally, the courts will not hesitate to grant sole legal custody if the parent petitioning parent provides evidence proving the other parent unfit for joint custody under specific circumstances. These conditions include drug or alcohol dependency, a new partner who is unfit, or charges of child abuse or neglect. These conditions are researched thoroughly by the courts before they make their decisions (this research, as well as visitation rights will be covered later in the essay). Even when sole physical custody is awarded, often the parents will still share joint legal custody, with the non-custodial parent enjoying visitation. In this type of situation, both parents make joint decisions about the child’s upbringing, but one parent is titled as the primary physical caretaker. Sole custody may seem like the only decision for the child, but joint custody is normally better for both the children and the parents.

Traditionally, custody by the mother and visitation and financial support from the father has been the rule, but today joint custody is becoming more common as the best decision. Joint custody, in legal or physical situations, is perhaps the best choice when it comes to custody cases. Today, many states have adopted rules allowing joint custody. In joint custody cases, neither parent has superior rights to the child. Providing considerably more decision making, custodial time, and control between the parents than sole custody, joint custody is the best choice if there are no conflicting circumstances. Generally, the child will spend a substantial, but not necessarily equal, amount of time with each parent. All decision making and responsibilities are shared between the parents, creating a more harmonious experience for the child. If joint legal custody is shared among both parents, they are legally bound to share all decisions concerning the child or children. If one parent is excluded from the decision making process, the offending parent can be taken back to court and the judge with enforce the custody agreement. In an online interview with Deborah Farmer, one of the top divorce lawyers in the state of Indianapolis, Farmer says,

“I am seeing a trend towards more couples agreeing on joint legal custody, but unfortunately, I am also seeing a trend toward couples agreeing on it and than just using it as one more battleground. For example, ‘I want him on Ritalin, you don’t, lets go to court over it’ or ‘I want her to go to Mass very Sunday and you won’t take her.’”  

Obviously, it all really depends on the parents disputing. Deborah Farmer is also quoted saying, “My personal perspective is that if a couple gets along well enough to make joint legal custody work it doesn’t matter whether the divorce decree requires it or not. They’re going to communicate and put their child first.”

During joint physical custody a child will have periods of residing with and being under the supervision of each parent. For example, a child will spend four days with the mother and the next four or so days with the father. Other schedules of living can be organized between the parents. If more than one child is involved, it is considered joint physical custody if one child lives primarily with the father and the other child lives primarily with the mother. If joint custody is desired by both parents, the agreement should specifically state the following information: with whom the child will reside and when; visitation for each parent; any restrictions on either parent moving out of the city, county or state with the child; education and religious training; a means to resolve financial responsibility for specific expenses; and means to resolve disputes concerning the child or child. There are separate decisions and requirements depending on the state in which the divorcing couple resides. If joint custody is awarded, the responsibilities and obligations are divided between both parents.

Children of divorce may have conflicting opinions about what the court and his/her parents decided for them.  As a product of divorced parents, I feel very strongly that the court made and will always make the right decision for my needs. My mother has sole custody, but my father is give generous visitation rights. My father never abused me or any kind of substance, but my mother requested sole custody because she did not want to have to depend on him to approve of decisions she made concerning my life. My father could have fought for joint custody, but instead he settled for visitation rights. Because he lives in a separate state, he is granted a certain amount of days per year to visit me or have me visit him, as well as every other holiday. It is up to him to organize his schedule to take advantage of these visits, but he is not obligated to his visitation time. I agree with every decision made for me, but I’m aware of many children around the world who do not. In an interview with one child whose father was granted sole custody of him and his three brothers, the subject is quoted saying, “I was never fully aware of the circumstances in which my father was granted custody. But I feel that the mother should play substantial role in the raising of her children, despite the circumstances.” It is very rare that a father is given sole custody over the mother, unless the behavior and actions of the mother are deemed extreme and unfit for a primary parenting role. On the other hand, a girl whose parents have shared joint custody for 14 years is quoted saying, “I feel that joint custody is the best way to go. It enables the child to develop relationships with both parents almost equally. I feel that I have become stronger by dividing my love jointly between the two of them. Even though they don’t get along, the custody they share makes the situation more harmonious.” Despite the circumstances, opinions vary depending on the child and the type of custody granted, but the research put into determining the custody situations is thorough enough for the children and the parents to trust. On the topic of the court making the best decision of the child, specialist Deborah Farmer comments,

“When I started practicing law in 1983, lots of cases were “traditional.”  Mom had custody because she’d been a stay-at-home mom, or only worked part time.  Dad had “visitation”  and that wasn’t a stigma on Dad because he had brought home the bacon and played by the rules of society and everybody expected that.  Now, more dads have become more involved in their kids’ lives and more dads, when they get divorced, want joint custody because their friends have it or they want to be able to tell their friends they have it or because they’re genuinely involved and don’t want to be less of a parent to a child than the mom.  So a lot if this is societal expectations and gender roles at work.  And fewer moms are full-time stay-at-home moms these days.”

As the times have changed, the traditions have changed as well, but the child’s best interest is always the deciding factor.

           To decide what is best for the child, the court directs several actions to be taken before making their final decision.  Usually, if there is a settlement agreement reached between the parents, and neither parent has been the subject of a child abuse case ect., the agreement is likely to be approved.  If the parents cannot agree on a specific form of custody, the courts rely on the independent lawyers of the parents to present the relevant details and evidence. Sometimes, a Guardian Ad Litem-either a lawyer, mental health specialist, or even a trained volunteer is appointed for the child to make an investigation of some sort and file a report with the court. “The Guardian Ad Litem may talk to teachers, doctors, coaches, scout leaders, eighbors ect. To determine their relevant information” informs Deborah Farmer. If a guardian Ad Litem is not preferred, the family may be referred to a psychologist, usually of PhD level, for a custody evaluation which can include of the tasks of an investigation, plus psychological testing. Each parent is assumed to be qualified as a custodial parent for the child, unless they can be proven otherwise. If there is suspicion, there is meticulous research following it in any situation of custody.

Whatever type of custodial decision made, visitation is an important part in a pleasant divorce. Upon separating the child from the dual parent home, it can become a lot to cope either regardless of if sole or joint is decided upon. As time has progressed and moved away from only granting sole custody to the mother, the visitation rights have changed as well. But as shown in Figure A the visitation by the father is still more common. . When I asked Deborah Farmer about a joint visitation schedule she replied: Visitation isdefinitely something more than every other weekend and two weeks in the summer.    Even if a court wants to order a traditional schedule, lots of courts are making the alternate weekends include Sunday overnight, and adding a midweek visit which might be overnight, too.  So there are lots of families where in a 2-week period of 14 nights, the child might stay with the “non-custodial” parent anywhere from 3 to 5 overnights.  I am also seeing quite a few families who agree on alternate weeks (usually exchanging on Friday or Sunday evening) or what is now called a 2/2/5/5 schedule – with one parent Monday and Tuesday, the other parent Wednesday and  Thursday, and alternating Fridays/Saturdays/Sundays.”  

It all depends on the situation at hand. Visitation or “parenting time” differs among states, parents, and even children. There are separate laws for each state, but there is a common formula used in decision making: Visitation is formulated around the child.

            Divorce and custody decisions do not make for a smooth road. Many bumps can be hit along the way concerning the type of custody granted. If parents cannot cooperate, the decision may be made by the judge. Other options include mediation, counseling, and arbitration. No matter what kind of decision is made or what the circumstances are, the main focus is the best interest of the child and personally, I believe that is reflected in custody decisions. The differences between sole and joint custody are pointed out continuously, but there are many keys that play into the bigger picture of the life of the child.  Visitation is a very important factor in a successful divorce process and is decided by the courts. The courts always make sure there is bountiful research done before making their decision, and their decision is always right for the child.   Behind the eyes of every child with divorced parents are visitation schedules, custody rights, and many others. The parents aren’t the only victims of divorce, but the courts and lawyers hired to make the process less difficult carry out their duties tremendously.

Love him and smile 

the words you could never say.

And let those words come out of you—

Then, it will be true.

It can’t be that easy.

I am sixteen, strong, out of my mind.

I fell in love here, then there,

then here in this town on the ocean.

I am the only one who fell for him.

The steps from the ocean lead into my heart through his words,

then I cross the line 

into his smile, his laugh,

and I come to the core, the love core,

where I take his sigh up to my room,

sit down, and write this wonder: 

It’s not easy to know what is true for you or me

 at this age, confused.

But I guess I’m what he sees and I feel

and he hears, Love, I hear you: 

 hear you, hear me—we two—you, me, talk on this page. (I hear my soul too.)

Me—who?

Well, I like to dream, think, wonder, and be in love.

I like to listen, understand, live, and create love

I like a heart to warm or someone to warm mine—mine, yours, or theirs.

I guess being in love

 doesn’t make me NOT like the same things those who lack love like.

So will my wonder be red?

Being love, it will not be black.

But it will be a part of you, my love.

You are mine—Yet a part of you is me,

as I am a slice of you.

That’s heart.

Sometimes perhaps I don’t want to be love.

Nor does love want to be me.

But we are, that’s true!

As I learn from you,I guess you learn from me— although you’re stronger—and smart— and somewhat more free. 

This is my wonder for thee.

 To the author of The Real Price of Freedom,Your article, though very well written, is somewhat contradictory. You speak of wanting freedom, yet you’re against the measures being taken to ensure this freedom. If not this, what do you propose? Is the saftey of our country inferIor to the “rights” of these “suspected terrorists”? I understand your opinion on the harshness of the treatment of those suspected, by with the known history concerning these terrorist groups, are you really willing to take that chance? Would you allow a suspected pedophile to sleep in the same bed as your young daughter? Terrorits are not going to give up this information willingly. These suspects are suspects for a reason. They didn’t pick a random person off of the streets and decide he was “suspicious”. Oviously, they are affiliated with suspicious behavior. Are you going to kindly question this suspect while a “ticking bomb” is just waiting to explose? We don’t have time for that! This is war. Cold War, World War, War on Terror. They all have one thing in common, the threat of our lives and freedom as a nation. So why not violate the rights of a “suspect”. They aren’t tagged as suspects for no reason. It may be harsh and opinionated, but isn’t that what America is all about.